i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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