I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
