I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
