Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My bed smells like the plague
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
