i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
smell my finger.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
