Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
