Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
