Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
