Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
