I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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