During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
