I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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