I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
