FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize