I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
