so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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