Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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