I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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