Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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