I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
