what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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