she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Randomize
