I just cut my nipple shaving
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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