Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Randomize
