i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
