He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
