Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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