Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just pynch a tree in the face
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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