ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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