Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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