i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
