I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
