I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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