there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
