I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
