Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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