You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
