you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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