the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
