Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize