My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
