some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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