I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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