no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Randomize
