gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
