8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize