My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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