i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
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