I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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