Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
