People with herpes should wear stickers.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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