you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
