I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize