Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
