I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
