And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
This couple is walking their pig around campus
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
