I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize