even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
