Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
