im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
