I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You were trust falling into bushes
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
