That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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