I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
