I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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