I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
