The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
True strength comes from lack of pants
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
