Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize