She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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