I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
