i just had sex bonerless
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
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