so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It all started with a game of naked twister.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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