So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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