i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize