WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
