Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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