well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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