guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
