My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize