i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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