sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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