I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
