I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
