I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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