Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
