I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
In other news, I just burned my penis
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
