Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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