girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
