I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
