i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
