Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize