How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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