yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
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