I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize