So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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