On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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