Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize