Your tits are I can't wait for
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
