the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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