Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
