god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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