so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
