DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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